The night was as starry as it’s never been. The glow of the white crescent moon fell on him and made him look like a deity. A ravishing God. His dark brown eyes appeared to be darker. She moved towards him. A little too much close- his scent came to her- a little musky, it was like a mixture of sweet grass, dew, and warm man. She noticed that he was very tall. He filled the space above her. She knew love is the hors d’ oeuvres of all her troubles and she gently reminded herself about the past. But in her heart, it was different this time. Everything was different this time. It was more of what was in her heart than in her mind.
Reaching down he grasped her right hand in his. His hand felt hard and warm- almost hot. She looked down at it and saw that it engulfed hers. It was a burnished tan colour. At the sound of his voice, her eyes shot back up to meet his-
“Your name is my name
Your words are my words-
Your pain is my pain … …
She pressed her hands and whispered, “And my life is yours.”
His voice was deep and hypnotic as if his words painted magical images of their future in the air between them. It wasn’t just some words wrapped up in a sentence. It was a promise- A promise of his life. A promise he abides. A promise which destroyed- everything. It was his promise which gave her the courage to live even after all these years.
That night, when he brushed his lips against her, when she could taste him- she forgot the world. She forgot what it’s like to be alone- forgot all her sadness- all that was in her heart, all the pain, all the stress- GONE! She didn’t want his lips to leave hers. She kept leaning into him so that she could’ve more. More of him. She couldn’t get enough of the kiss. She only wanted to claim him, hers.
He moved a little, releasing her lips from his dense sensual captivity – her lips were all flustered. She didn’t want to open her eyes. She just wanted to hold him forever. Live that moment as she knew she wouldn’t have it again. He curiously studied her for a while. She could sense his smile. His smile was a like snowflake in the chilly winter morning. She moaned and stroked her face on his chest. He laughed, low and gentle. And she sighed in relief. He pressed his hand against her face. “I’ll miss you,” he told her. Then he pulled his fingers very slowly down her face, lightly tracing from her jaw to the throat and then all the way down to her waist. She was trying not to drift in her sleep- it was so soothing.
They talked for hours that night. They both didn’t sleep. He’ll be gone the next day, she kept thinking. “I’ll be back soon, I promise,” he immediately murmured in her ear- as if he could read her heart and knew the turbulence she was dealing with. She laid on her back and he kept his head on her bosom- both dreading the consequence which would befall upon them the minute the sunrise. Every now and then she would groan, as if, someone stabbed her, murdered her soul. And he would clutch her waist very firmly and gave a faint smile.
It didn’t bother her at all that they weren’t having a proper conversation anymore. Just a little sigh here and a groan there. She sort of noticed when the sky began to lighten. Her thoughts were rushing back to her, quivering and churning her into pieces from inside. Few hours left, when he’ll wear that uniform and leave. The room would be empty. The house would be empty. And she would wear his shirt like an envelope and lay on the bed for hours and weep her heart out. The thought alone petrified her.
“Love, you know I have to go. Don’t make this harder on me. I promise I’ll be back by spring.” She could see it in his face- the helplessness, the longing to be with her. She hugged him, this time more securely, effectively putting an end to that conversation.
Years passed by. And today is their 25th marriage anniversary- she sits in front of the window- on her swinging chair. Waiting for her beloved to arrive. Reciprocating how his fingers were like satin against her skin. She declined his death. Oh! How much she cried.
Mixing the white powder in a glass of water, she remembers that fine kiss one more time. “I promised too, ‘My life is yours’”, she smiled. Gulping the poison, she recalled the verse she wrote for him, a few years back-
“Now I have nothing but your reminiscence,
You kissing me hard against the wall.
Us talking all day long-
You went away, never to come back
But the yearning for you, the lust is not gone.”
He never replied